💀 The decision had to be made ,The decision I didn't want to make, but she given me No Other Choice. She continued to try , but her time was past her prime. We both did not want this, that feeling was mutual, but It's never really up to us to decide when it's "The right Time to Die." I have never seen her this thin , I never seen her this weekk , nor ever wanted her to suffer, but she did. There is beauty in this sort of darkness but it's too dark to see the beauty in this, I relived the worst day of my life, and I cant bare to relive it again.
Dottie's Unforgettable Gifts
❕❕❕(This is 100% True)❕❕❕
🥀A little over 20 years ago a cat had given birth to a feline liter of 5 kittens, I saw her enter this life, a few weeks after she entered mine then a little over 20 years after ' I watched her leave both. Always been easier to say the "Hello's" than "Goodbye's" with a "Hello" I would always smile , and with the goodbye's there are always tears. There is a difference that is noticed, of how I feel bad for the people who face Death. Then how I'm entirely shattered when Animals have to face their death too. even If I didn't spend longer than A SECOND with any animal I grieve more for them than any human soul besides my Mothers. I remember a few years ago, when I was walking to the bus stop in the morning to get to work; I was about to walk pass 2 random cats that were about to fight. I said something along with " No KITTIES NO FIGHTING" which had only scared them ; and they both ran off in different directions. One of them ran directly into the busy street and was stuck by a car, I saw it happen and I heard the sound of bones being crushed OH MY GOD it was so loud ! I ran directly into the street to stop the next car approaching and saw the poor kitty hopping off crippled on one leg away somewhere unknown.
😾I called out of work bawling my eyes out , Over the phone my boss couldn;t understand any word I was saying. I walked back home bawling on the phone to my husband and it was just the same, he couldn't understand me. Once I got home I grabbed my cat Jared and hugged him crying my eyes out . and only thought to myself "What if that had happened to Jared?!!?!>" , and I remembered how many close calls I saw Dottie have been in with getting hit by cars, I went and grabbed her too and Cried all day. mourned over the poor kitty for 3 days taking work off, over a kitty I never knew, I only knew what had happened to it. I am still haunted by that experience still to this day.
😢So i am emotionally sensitive to Animals , and after my Mother's death I was more fragile when it came to separating from close friends and family. There was no difference from My Mother's passing in 2013 , and Dottie's this year in 2020, boh left me haunted with thoughts that were reliving certain moments that i regretted, heartbroken by the regrets I couldn't take back. I know it doesn't matter to either one of them, My Mom and Dottie loved me enough and showed me through the looks in their eyes that never left me even after they took their final breath. even after their hearts had taken that final beat. Their time in this life is done , I'm still here breathing, My heart is still beating, but I don't feel as Alive as I did when they both were here, The grieving process SUCKS, and life must go on....and somehow I have to replace to the pain that i am left suffering with continue to love them, and live on....Welcome to My Party, My Blah blah boo hoo Pity Party.
💐LIVE IN PEACE, OF MIND ⛪
Prayers, and positive quotes did not have an impact on me when it came to grieving over my Mother's Death and My Furbaby Dottie broke my heart just as much, They both been in my life for over 20 years and now They are Gone, This part I hate this is where It;s all fucked .
1 Set Up you Farewell for now Funeral with a very limited Guest invites, If it's absolutely necessary for someone else to be present that's is acceptable,The funeral that put together by you, your heart, mind, to be completely honest, and vulnerable. This is opportunity to say whatever it is you have to say without worrying about it offending or getting feedback from others. With grief there is anger, so If the need to go off on the deceased then go off, I know I have exchanged words of anger towards my mom., whenever i seem to feel that i been abandoned in a time of need. My mom passed away 7 years ago, despite how old I am and how long ago she passed away I still need her and miss her so much.
2. Keep your beloved loss with you daily, I have a little memorial shrine for My mom and Dottie at home next to my bed so I feel safer with them next to me at night, I even have paid tribute to them on other websites including my own. ;light a candle offl and online gives me some peace , and i then reflect more on healing rather than grieving into depression. I even designed my own little virtual grave site that basically gives them a high ranked celebrity like tribute that i know I could not afford to give my mom and Dottie in this lifetime but the internet makes anything possible.