I grew up in SANTA ANA CALI. and I was not a Popular kid, but I had a lot of Friends up until 5th Grade ENDED. MY family and I ended up moving to Orange, Cali. and I started 6th Grade at Cambridge Elementary School. That's When all the Bullying started and it was BRUTAL.
I enjoyed being a kid, I still played with Dolls and wore flower printed dresses with silly hats that had big matching flowers on them. I didn't shave my legs or wore make-up or hairspray, and did not have boobs, or anything that was eye catching to any boys. I didn't think anything was wrong with being a kid and looking like one. Not until the Kids in my Class started to TEASE ME and the teasing happened every day, all day in School I was Made fun of because I wore thick big Eyeglasses ,and because of the way I dressed and anything else these kids could find and pick on me MORE. I had things thrown at me, I was pushed and tripped in class.
I even told the teacher and cried to the teacher but she was not strict enough with the kids , and even belittled me for crying. I cried after school everyday. I begged my parents to homeschool me, pretended to be sick just so I didn't have to go back. My Parents even called and yelled at the teacher,but she played dumb and acted as if she was not aware of the bullying, but she was.
Do Or Die DECISION
The Bullying Continued, and I had NO FRIENDS. Even the NERDS made fun of Me and my Parents and Teacher could not do anything to Stop the Bullying, So I decided on one thing that Could. My Father's HAND GUN was easily accessible and I started to think about USING IT. At first I thought the best thing to do is to KILL MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CLASS.
"I wanted them to watch me die , because in a way they were killing me."
Then I thought about how suicide is only going to condemn me straight to hell because of my Catholic Beliefs, So then I changed my mind and came up with a New Plan. I would bring my dads gun to school on Monday and make sure I'd be the last one to walk in class and once everyone is seated that's when I will start Firing. I even had my mind made up on who I wanted to shoot at first, which would have been my teacher of course then 2 students would be targeted after who happen to be the main 2 that were the most cruel. This was a plan that I was not entirely sure I would pull off , I'm still playing with dolls but now I want to play with guns? What else was I going to do? These Kids were Evil, and Heartless, NOT ONCE did any of them showed any remorse whatsoever for the TORMENT THEY been putting me through.
"I NEVER WENT THROUGH WITH THE SCHOOL SHOOTING, I maybe a lot of things to these kids, but I was for sure not ever going to be a Killer."
As the Bullying continued I became more and more DEPRESSED , I still thought of committing Suicide, pretty much every Night. Words kept haunting me and I continued to think about how much the other kids could be right, I was UGLY, STUPID, AND A LOSER. I hated myself and my life already I thought if it's this bad Now, how much worse will it get in the future. I was convinced that there was NO GOOD left in the world, and that the world is filled with Bad people, and I did not want to become one of them or be targeted by anymore of THE BAD.
"It only took One Random act of KINDNESS , that had changed my outlook in life .
One Morning at school before Class began, I found myself standing in the middle of a circle OF kids just surrounding me laughing , pointing their fingers at me, calling me names. There I was again being picked on for the 100th time, standing there alone,and crying while I was verbally being attacked by the entire class. Randomly The Most popular GIRL in School and one of my Main Bullies jumped in the circle and told everyone to stop and leave me alone, she even ran to the teacher and told on the kids that were teasing me; The kids were more shocked than I was, and they immediately stopped. I don't know what made This girl step up and back me up all of a sudden, but I was grateful and saved. That showed me that not everyone is bad and that I am not as hated by everyone as I thought. The Darkness in my Young life had some hope, this maybe a start of better days.
"Sadly, those hopes and dreams had been quickly terminated by my peers all the teasing, name calling, and being laughed at was not nearly as bad as what I was about to be put through"